Why?

I've been arguing with God today.
Well, that's putting it mildly. I've been throwing a temper tantrum and it hasn't been pretty.
My entire attitude today has centered around that one word....."why".

Why me, why now, why is it so hard, why is everything always dirty, why can't I be healthy, why aren't my children better behaved, why can't I lose weight, why, why, why.

I've plopped myself down in front of the computer to escape my "blessings", I've glared at my neighbor, who is losing weight, with jealous eyes, I've griped at my husband because he doesn't "get it", I've yelled at my kids because they are having too much "fun" and bothering me and I have whined to God for giving me these heavy burdens.

And yet,
all day long,
He is there.

With every thought I hear Him whisper "Come to me all ye that are heavy laden".
With every scowl I hear the still small voice "My yoke is easy and my burden is light".
With every sigh I hear Him calling "Rejoice, and Give thanks."


As I was preparing for bed tonight I brought this day before Him.
"I don't understand, God. Why can't I seem to make any progress? I'm doing all of the right things but it still hurts, it's still a struggle. How much more do I have to die?"

"More" He responds.

"Why" I plead.

"Because I love you"

And then my blessed Saviour leads me ever so gently to do the one thing I find impossible.......nothing.

I have always been a doer. But now He is leading me to be a "dier". Dier to self.



And such is the ways of our Lord that he leads me here for encouragement and instruction.

step by step,
Jessica